Ok so he kissed me, but is it really a big deal?

Ok, I have calmed down and sobered up now and can explain more about what happened last night.

Well it was the night out and J and L didnt turn up until the last hour because they'd been at work but when J got there he was his usual charming self, he bought me a drink and we chatted briefly about our nights then I spent a bit of time talking to L because I feel as though since we both realised that we both like J we haven't been as close. So after about an hour the bar we were in closed and seeing as it was 3am we realised that we had to go home. Quite a few were all staying at our staff house and it looked to me as though I should just get a cab home by myself but J adament that I wasn't getting in a cab on my own and flagged one down for us and said we'd share. In the cab I thanked him and he said that of course he wasnt gonna let me go home by myself and that I was one of the people that he loved most at work. I reminded him that he likes everyone, yes he's one of those charming guys that is like best mates with everybody. He agreed that he did like everyone but said that I was different and that even his Mum, who I havent met, loved me?!?

At this point I was starting to get a bit annoyed because this is a typical example of this charm and cheesey lines, he says this sort of thing all the time and because I like him it screws with my head. I know he only says it to be nice but I do think its a bit misleading. I told him he shouldn't be saying things like that, and he was like yeah but my Mum does love you, she's always asking how you are and if I've seen you at work. I reminded him that we don't actually ever work together and again started to tell him that I think he leads me on but then I realised I was too drunk to be able to articulate what I wanted to say properly in the time I had and so told him that I wasn't going to have that conversation at that time but that he shouldn't be saying that sort of thing. Then the taxi pulled up outside my house, he asked when I was next in work and then we both leaned in to kiss goodbye (we have kissed on the lips before to say goodbye) but then it was an actual proper kiss, with tongues and everything!! I couldn't believe it!! He was a good kisser actually but I really wish I hadn't had that horrible dry gross mouth thing that happens when you've been out drinking :s

Then that was that, it wasn't a long kiss but it was long enough, I opened my door and started freaking out and he got his taxi home. I havent heard from him since but then I'm not sure why I would've done. And now I don't know what to do or what to make of it??

We were both drunk, but he was coherent, its not like he was wasted. But what if he just kisses lots of girls and really doesnt see it as a big deal? What I'm most scared of is that I might have been drunker than I realised and that I inadvertently forced myself on him and he kissed me because it would have been ruder to push me away?? Shit. If thats the case then thats quite bad. What if he tasted my grotty drunk mouth? Shit. That would be bad too.

I have spent most of today thinking about it (obviously) and I have convinced myself that he couldnt have possibly kissed me just because he liked me. I'm not sure why though. Well I guess I do know why...things like that just don't happen to me. It has actually been a matter of years since I've been in the situation where I really like a guy and I've wanted them to kiss me..and then its happened. I have fancied the pants of J since the moment I saw him and the more I have got to know him the more I've liked him. Surely it couldn't be possible that he would actually like me too?? Could it?