Despondent

Feel totally despondent with...well with life today. I think I'm just in a funny mood. I know after Tuesday I should be feeling sexy and naughty because it was exciting. But I think, well I think the reason I don't is because thats just not what I'm looking for anymore. And even this whole internet dating thing is becoming less exciting now because at first it was good attention and the wonder of not knowing who I might meet or where it might lead to but I think its time to realise that I want a cuddle. I want to go to climb into bed with someone after a long day and tell them the ups the downs, the highs the lows. And I don't have that now. And sometimes it sucks.

Late night walk in the park

I suppose if I'm giving an accurate account of my 'man' life then I need to include what happened last night after the date. Well I got back and I felt a bit fed up and was messing around online when I started to chatting to a guy.

This guy is the brother of J, who I was besotted with at the beginning of the year. We pulled at a party a few months back but when it started to get a bit 'heavy' I stopped it. Since then we have chatted virtually and sometimes things have got a little flirtatious.

So last night he was online and I started a convo and I could tell quite quickly that he was feeling a bit on the horny side and he soon asked if I fancied going to the park?! It was 1am.

I thought about it and decided the sensible thing to do was stay at home, get some sleep as I had work in the morning. So obviously I replied that I would definitely be up for it!

So he picked me up, we went for a late night walk in the park. It was really romantic actually. There was a full moon, it was peaceful and the stars were out. Well it would have been romantic had it not been so sordid. I knew we were going for one thing. And my oh my it was hot.

He's not going to be my boyfriend or anything, he goes to uni miles away and he's too young for anything like that. But still, it was good!

Rabbit rabbit rabbit rabbit.....

I'm a talker and I know it. I like to talk. A lot. I know that this isn't always the best 'quality' to have but thats the way it is. I always know if someone is talking and I find myself being quiey for a long time then they talk...a lot more than I do.

I felt really nervous before tonights date because I didnt know much about the guy and I felt as though he didnt know much about me and so wasn't sure what would happen. However, I met with him and he looked ok. Better looking than I expected and seemed normal. And then he started talking...and he carried on....and he carried on....and he carried on.

In the end I had to ask him if he realised that he hadn't let me get a word in edgeways. I asked him what he had learnt about me and he relayed the one chunk of speech practically word for word that I had had with him earlier. At least he was listening in that time.

His reply to my harshness was just that he was nervous, and sorry.

He also kept popping out for cigarettes, and answered the phone while he was with me. He said it was his mate who when he answered the phone said "she must be a right minger if shes going out with you"

I'm going to give up!

Date tomorrow

Last week I started speaking to this guy on plentyoffish.com or he started talking to me rather. I was up late, I think I had been out drinking actually and he popped up the IM. He was ok to chat to but because it was late and I quite enjoy talking to strangers online I just went with it but the next day I had an email from him saying he'd like to talk to me again.

I can't remember much about this initial convo with him other than that he said he is sick of time wasters and that he likes some musician guy whose name I can't remember. Since this convo though he has been well keen and wants to meet up with me. I feel totally freaked out as I don't know what it is about me that he likes, in fact I rather suspect it is based on the fact I am female (and so will do!) and that my profile pic on this dating site is very pretty (even if I do say so myself).

He has emailed and texted and has been very keen. It makes me feel weird to be persued in such a way. Infact it really freaks me out. He has asked me to meet him for a beer tomorrow. I have said yes because I have nothing to lose but I can't help but think that as soon as he sees me he will lose interest. I am not sure how this will make me feel. Relieved because being persued it scary? Or disappointed because that won't be happening anymore? Or smug because I will have been proven right because this guy was only interested on a superficial level. I am not sure but I feel really weird about the whole thing which isn't really like me. We will see what happens tomorrow I guess.

Online Dating Guy Number 1

When I joined an internet dating site I promised my friends that I would give everyone a fair chance, rather than dismissing people for being too short, too old, having too big a head...you get the picture. And so I have been doing just that.

Also when I first joined internet dating I trawled through profiles sending "winks" and composing what I thought would be interesting emails that would render me irresistable to the opposite sex. This was not the case, it would seem even internet men are still managing to resist my lovely self.

The first guy that got in touch with me seemed ok, he wasn't too bad looking and sent nice polite messages and seemed to be interested in my life whilst still offering lots of information about himself. However there wasn't anything exciting about him. Not at all. And so when he asked to meet up I wasn't overly enthused, however decided to go for it in line with my promise to my friends and also because he seemed so friendly that he deserved a drink and neither of us had anything to lose from it, we could be friends even if the worst came to the worst.

So I met up with him one Sunday afternoon. He doesnt live in the same city as me and so I met him at the train station and took him to a bar where I felt comfortable and that was close to the bar I work in. This has now become my first date bar.

When I first met him I thought he seemed a little odd and knew that he definitely wouldn't be for me. I wasn't attracted to him in the slightest. As we were talking he seemed nice enough, but way to serious and he just didnt't seem to have much in common with me at all.

So to cut a long story short he eventually told me that he has Asbergers syndrome. For those who are unfamiliar people with this condition find social situations very awkward and find making eye contact difficult. He also told me that he has a lot of anger management issues. I felt really bad for thinking it at the time but I felt as though this was further evidence that he wasn't for me as I thought I couldn't take this on. But then I didn't know how to leave the situation, especially when he said that he felt more comfortable with me than most new people he meets. Urgh, cringe!

He didn't text me for a week after we went on our date which made me feel very relieved as I wasn't sure how I would say that I didn't think we were suited. When he did text tho he just asked how I was and said that he was sorry he hadn't been in touch. I didn't deliberately ignore him but I was really busy and didn't text him back. So then next day I'm getting an arsey message saying he can tell he has obviously offended me and that he's a nice guy and deserves to know what he has done wrong. If I hadn't been already sure he wasn't for me then that would've sealed the deal!

June 2010 - Online Dating!

Yes, I have decided to take control of my love life and give online dating a try!

People have been telling me for years to give it a go and I wasn't convinced, I thought "no way...I'm not *that* desperate yet". Anyway, it turns out, I am.

I just figured that I knew loads of people who had met online and it had worked for them. And they were in love. And happy. And unashamed. I wanted a piece of that!

So there I was, ready to pay my £60 fee for 3 months of internet dating and fun, very excited and convinced that all I would find is good, honest people, who like me were struggling to find the right person for them. This is not what I have found. What I have found instead is a seedy and sordid, scandalous place for sex hook-ups...or marriage proposals.

My next few posts will outline where I am at with the situation so far....

Back with vengeance!

I know..I have been neglectful of the old blog for a while again...I know that I could be doing better and this time I will be. You see the problem before was that there was never anything to write because I was never meeting anyone and I had a ridiculous obsession with a knob-head. Its ok, that particular knob-head is behind me now, I am sooo over that. Anyway, I decided to take my love life into my own hands and whilst I was off uni for the summer give internet dating a try. I have also decided that it probably wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if I used this blog for blogging about other aspects of my life and so here goes.....